There’s no job description for the job of parent.

Can you imagine agreeing to take on a job for which there was no job description, no orientation program, no training program, no performance review process—in other words, none of the usual bells and whistles that we have come to expect in a typical employment situation? That’s what parenting is like. It’s the ultimate fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants experience. Until you’re on the job, you have no idea what the job involves or how difficult it really is, which explains why so many of us end up applying for the job in the first place!

There’s no such thing as “the perfect age.”

You often hear parents talk about how much they are looking forward to their kids reaching such-and-such an age because it’s “the perfect age.” Well, there really is no such thing. Every age comes with its own unique mix of joys and challenges.

Nothing about parenting happens in a predictable, linear fashion.

If there’s a Murphy’s Law of Parenthood, it goes something like this: The more convinced you are that you’ve finally gotten through a rough stage with your child, the greater the likelihood that your child will immediately take three steps backwards. As any veteran parent can tell you, it’s a case of two steps forward and one step back whenever a child is attempting to master a new skill. Certain behaviors can return even years after the fact. The whining and temper tantrums that were so common during the toddler years can make themselves felt again during the preteen years.

The experts don’t have all the answers.

Part of the problem, of course, is that the parenting experts rarely agree about anything. Put an attachment-parenting guru next to an advocate of tough love on a TV talk show, and you’re likely to see a fist fight break out during commercial breaks! The net result for parents, unfortunately, is information overload and an unwillingness to trust their own parenting instincts.

Parenting in the real world is a whole lot messier than parenting on TV.

The fact that the parenting issue of the day can be solved in 30 minutes or less only adds insult to injury. Unless you happen to be raising a tribe of Walton or Cosby clones, you’re unlikely to be able to pull that off in the real world!

Parenthood is a long-term project.

You have to wait for the final payoff. The ultimate reward for any parent—successfully raising a happy, healthy child to adulthood—is many years in the making. What’s required in the meantime is a huge leap of faith that things will turn out as they should.

Parenting can be hell on your self-esteem.

Some days you may wonder how anyone can let you be a parent: The house is a disaster, your children are not listening and are cranky, and you’re doing a lot of yelling. And then, other days, you have a really good time doing something together, and you are really amazed at just how much your children know and are learning. You’ll pat yourself on the back for all you do.

Kids force you to confront any “stuff” that you may have tried to bury underneath the carpet.

If you try to ignore the stuff that’s hidden under the carpet, you’re likely to trip over it and fall flat on your face.

Nothing can prepare you for the depth of the love you will feel for your child.

Life doesn’t get any better than this.

The physical demands of parenting are the easy part. It’s the emotional demands that practically sink you.

The aches and pains of pregnancy and childbirth are just the beginning of the “pain” that you can expect to experience during the next 18 years and beyond. It’s watching your child experience the emotional bumps and bruises of life that really hurts.

There are, of course, a few drawbacks to having only one child. Only children often feel more pressure to succeed, knowing that their parents have all their eggs in one basket. It’s easy for them to fast-forward through childhood at an unusually rapid pace because they spend so much of their time with their parents and other adults. They miss out on the unique interplay between siblings.

Fortunately, there’s plenty you can do to offset some of these drawbacks if you’re parenting an only child:

Accept the fact that your child isn’t a “mini you.” Although all parents tend to fall into this trap to a certain degree, parents of only children are particularly vulnerable to trying to encourage their kids to emulate them. The reason is simple: They have only one kick at the parenting can. If you’re a hockey nut, it’s only natural to want your only child to share that interest, but you have to accept that it’s completely the luck of the draw.

Help your child learn the socialization ropes. Provide your child with plenty of opportunities to socialize with other children as soon as she gets that urge to switch into social butterfly mode, usually around age three. Because she doesn’t have any built-in playmates at home, you’ll need to make a concerted effort to ensure that she has the opportunity to play with other kids on a regular basis—perhaps by enrolling her in a group daycare, family daycare or nursery school program; signing her up for kid-related activities in your community or making regular visits to the local family resource center.

Don’t go overboard with material possessions. Before you fill an entire shopping cart with toys during your next visit to the nearest kid superstore, ask yourself whether you would be buying this amount of stuff for each child if you had four kids to shop for. If the answer is no, you may want to think about whether your child actually needs all this stuff. While we’re talking stuff, here’s another important point to keep in mind: You may have to ask grandparents and others to limit the amount of money they spend on gifts for your child.

Resist the temptation to be overprotective. Being under constant surveillance by overprotective parents isn’t fun for any kid, but it’s a lot less fun if you’re the sole focus of attention. Ease up a little and give your one and only the time and space she needs to blossom into her own person. Besides, the more tightly you try to restrict her every move, the greater the incentive she’ll have to make a jail break once she reaches the teen years.

Know your sore spots. There are times when certain people can be mildly annoying, and other times when they can be downright upsetting. When that happens, chances are that terribly annoying person has simply stepped on one of your “sore spots”. Sore spots for most parents revolve primarily around two areas—self-esteem and control. So anyone who makes you feel insecure in some way or who limits your sense of control can be very upsetting. For example, if another Mom gives off an “I know best” attitude, and seems to challenge you on your parenting style, you will get more agitated with her as you become less confident (and let’s face it, every parent has some confidence issues). Diminished confidence is not a sign that you lack skill; it is primarily a sign of a strong desire to have things go right and to avoid mistakes.

Good parents always wonder if they are doing the best they can, so any criticism from the outside is easy to take to heart, no matter how unjustified it might be. So if you run up against an “I know best” mom, take her words with a grain of salt and be willing to simply respond “But I’ve found that my way works best with my child.”

Don’t take it personally. A warm, engaging, confident parent is not interested in making you feel inadequate or in comparing her child more favorably to yours. Yes, some parents will gloat about their child’s accomplishments, but that is not automatically a sign they are trying to make you feel bad. If a parent is simply coming on too strong in outlining their child’s achievements, simply smile and try to change the subject. Try not to get into a competition. That will only make your time together even more stressful. If the other parent is boasting at every playdate and not just occasionally, you may need to arrange dates with someone else.

Be cautious about lack-a-daisical parents. Some parents allow their kids to take more risks before they intervene (kids climbing tall trees, kids horsing around and almost getting injured and so on). Others allow their kids to wreak havoc in your house before they step in. Some will sit back and ignore it when their child gets too aggressive with your child. If you say or do nothing to avoid sounding rude, you run a risk that the kids will get hurt (or your furniture damaged). It’s best to speak up to the kids and say “That’s not allowed here-family rule!” when they are at your home. Be consistent. (Of course, you will have less say if you are at the other parent’s home, so you may have to arrange more playdates at your home or on neutral territory.)

Stick to your guns. If you feel strongly about an issue, don’t back down. If you’re unsure, stick to your guns anyway. You can think about your decision later on, if you wish, but don’t make a rash decision that goes against your instincts just to appear nice. Trust your inner wisdom. For instance, if another parent tends to arrive late, end the playdate on time even if you have to make up a story about some other commitment. Don’t reward chronic lateness by accommodating to it. Your time is valuable.

Be prepared for an outpouring of advice—both good and bad. Most grandparents feel this powerful need to share all the wisdom they accumulated during their own time in the parenting trenches. Unfortunately, they may not recognize the fact that some of their ways of doing things have long since gone the way of the dodo bird (for example, we no longer start toilet training when a baby is one month of age!). Rather than getting freaked out because the advice you’re receiving is wacky or even downright weird, simply accept it in the spirit in which it was offered (with only the best of intentions) and then quietly ignore anything that no longer holds water today.

Don’t be afraid to stand your ground on the issues that really matter. You may need to gently remind your child’s grandparents that you’re the one in charge when it comes to making important parenting decisions. They’ve already had their starring roles in that long-running melodrama known as parenthood. Now you’re the one at center stage.

Remind yourself that—like Rome—grandparents are not built in a day. It may take time for your parents or your partner’s parents to grow into the grandparenting role, particularly if your child is the first grandchild (a.k.a., the guinea pig). Not everyone feels up to the challenge of coping with the cries of a colicky baby or the tantrums of a fiercely determined toddler. Your child’s grandparents may not be comfortable playing anything more than a minor supporting role until your child becomes a tad more civilized.

Recognize that your parents are a generation older than they were when they were raising you. Consequently, they may not be up to a lot of loud noise or rough-and-tumble play.

Count your blessings. It is really a gift to be blessed with exceptionally supportive parents and in-laws (or just one of the two!) Having the support of the older generation can make parenting a whole lot easier.

Remind yourself that having a loving relationship with her grandparents can be a tremendous gift to a child—and vice versa.

Though parenthood is certainly a job that can wear you out, there are a number of things you can do to recharge your parenting batteries.

Here are a few ideas:

Learn how to spot the early warning signs of parent burnout. If you find yourself becoming obsessed with the frustrations of parenting, second-guessing your parenting decisions most or all of the time, feeling trapped or hopeless, or starting to experience some of the physical symptoms of stress (for example, headaches, heart palpitations, chronic colds or sinus problems, dizziness, nausea and so on), you could be experiencing burnout.

Make a point of keeping up some of your pre-baby interests so that you have something to focus on other than your role as a parent.

Designate part of your home as a child-free zone. That way, you’ll have a small refuge to retreat to if you’re feeling swallowed up by demands of parenthood.

Make sure that you take breaks from your child on a regular basis, even if you have to hire someone to buy yourself a little time away.

Find creative ways to recharge your batteries.

Recognize that some parents face greater parenting challenges than others and, therefore, face a greater risk of burnout.