Health, Fashion, Parenting and Women Related Issues

Although it’s unreasonable to expect to agree with your partner on every possible parenting issue—you will, after all, have made thousands of parenting decisions by the time your child grows up and leaves home—it’s important to come up with a game plan for managing those differences. Here are some tips on managing the types of day-to-day disagreements that can lead to marital meltdowns:

Accept the fact that you’re each going to have your own unique parenting style. Not only were you raised in different households, but you’re also entirely different people. Perhaps your partner feels most comfortable taking a boot-camp approach to parenting, while you prefer a much more laid-back approach—or vice versa.

Identify those areas where you actually are in agreement. Chances are you and your partner don’t go head-to-head on every conceivable parenting-related issue. It can be reassuring to discover that you and your partner are on the same wavelength with big-picture parenting issues and that your disagreements tend to center on relatively minor points, like how to handle your 2-year old daughter’s recent conversion to nudism.

Come up with a parenting game plan that you both can live with. Kids are merciless in exploiting cracks in the parental armor, so it’s important that you and your partner are in basic agreement about how to handle particular child-rearing challenges. That means anticipating the perennial parent-child conflicts in advance and deciding how the two of you intend to handle them.

Be clear about each parent’s turf. Sometimes, it makes sense to divide up the parenting responsibilities so that you each handle the same sorts of responsibilities from day to day. For example, you get your child washed and dressed in the morning, and your partner oversees the bedtime routine. Not only does this help ensure that you both receive a bit of downtime from the rigors of parenting but will also create greater consistency in your child’s day-to-day routine.

When in doubt, call a time-out. If you’re unhappy with the way your partner is handling a particular situation, wave the proverbial white flag. That way, you can discuss the situation out of earshot of your children and agree to a common solution.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Recognize that every parent blows it from time to time. Don’t hold your partner up to superhuman standards of parenting. Compliment him when he handles a situation particularly well. Everyone benefits from a pat on the back every now and again, including parents.

Know when to call in the pros. Don’t be afraid to seek out the advice of a neutral third party, such as a family therapist, if you’re continually butting heads on parenting issues. Sometimes, a single session with a highly skilled facilitator can help you and your partner really cut to the chase on an issue.

Commit to an ongoing program of parental development and encourage your partner to come along for the ride. If you find a parenting book or video that’s particularly helpful to you, share it with your partner. (If your partner’s not the type to read an entire parenting book, act as his or her clipping service: Use Post-It notes to flag the parts of the book that serve up the most useful bits of wisdom.)

Find ways to reconnect with your partner on a regular basis. It’s hard to feel that you’re on the same parenting page if you’ve lost touch with one another as a couple. Make “date nights” part of your routine by booking a babysitter to come to your home on a particular evening each week or—at a minimum—every other week. Don’t think of it as an expensive frill, but rather as an important investment in your well-being as a family.

Remind yourself and your partner that this too shall pass. You won’t always have young children underfoot. The child-rearing years typically last for just one-third to one-quarter of a person’s life. Chances are that in years to come you’ll look back on these trying times with the fondest of memories. Parental amnesia is, after all, one of Father Time’s greatest gifts.